I'm overwhelmed, not by the sky but by the waves underneath. They seem furious of the rocks obstructing them. I'm scared, not of the cloudburst but of the sand below my feet. It feels hard with all the rain. I'm unsure, not of the depths of the sea, but of the wind hitting my face. I'm not sure where it's come from... what it's carrying.

The wind bothers me. The wind has consumed me. It plays with my hair... then slaps me on my cheek. It cools down my skin and brings tears to my eyes. It pushes me. Challenges me to stand up to it. To fight against it... or defend it... I don't have the courage to do either.

It's washed my soul and shown me purity. But a purity I have faith in. Purity coming from a wind that carries the dust of a thousand unknown places... I don't understand it... I find it hard to accept. Years of conditioning, episodes of proof. It compels me to appreciate its transparency but when I open my eyes, the dust gets into them. I can't see. I can't see... Oh help me somebody my eyes sting with dust and tears! My soul hurts with the lashing rain and the furious waves! Some corners of my mind travel to the depths of the sea and get lost in its vastness! I want to scream! I want to be heard! I want to run! But only the current hauls me up again to surface. To a surface that is windy again... the same wind.. refusing to leave my mind... adamant to consume my soul... I can't see... I can't see...

And that's the way the cookie crumbles...

It's funny. People change all the time. Thoughts change. Outlooks change. Feelings alter. Love dies. Inclinations straighten out. And some glimpses from your past seem to invoke no emotion at all. And youre amused because the memory of the depth of feelings, that those same glimpses invoked in the recent past, is still fresh in your head. In an unreal, almost unbelievable sort of way.

How do circumstances change so much so quickly?Is Man's Mind so agile that it can be twisted that easily into believing anything you want it to? That a few odd illusions is all it needs to forget the most absolute of facts? So when you see a dog die under a speeding car, you turn away to look at the glass buildings on the other side. And for you, there is no dog dead. So when you lose what you loved with all your heart, all you need are a few glass relationships on the side... so for you... there is no love lost...

God proposes... Man disposes...

The Great Indian Dream - Move! comin thru!!!

32,87,263.

It’s not just a random number. It’s a patch of land. A patch of geography. A patch of history.

It’s a patch colours. A patch of growth. A patch of disparity and unity.

A patch of freedom. Of democracy. Of the corrupted and the clean. Of dreams and despair. A patch that grew from change. That celebrated prosperity as much as it endured the blood of its children. A land that fell with every rise only to rise again and higher.

WE are a patch of land that worshipped eight planets (other than the Earth) long before the telescope was invented. A people that had a well-established school system before schools were conceptualised. A society that wrote epics long before the first novel was written. A literature that explains concepts of medicine and prayer with equal fervour. A culture that revelled in physical love as much as it revered platonic love.

A land that saw migrations and invasions. That served foreigners who eventually turned into natives. WE have been a land that endured out of choice. Then a land that fought back. Year after year, century after century. First it was foreign invaders, then critics of independence, then the label “Third World”, now the tag “Developing”.

A country that served foreign rule for almost 500 years is turning 60 this year.
And how!
For a young country, she’s grown at a whopping 9.2% per annum (compared to: China: 11.9; US: 2.9; average annual, recorded second quarter of 2006-07). She’s earned about 2.3 million crores and saved around 32% of its gross earning. Experts say she is the fourth largest economy in terms of purchasing power parity. And the government says the inflation rate has come down to 4.2 from 6.3%.
The stock market’s shooting up, so is the property market. Our forex reserves are at a record high. Balance of payments is favourable too (bole toh vapas karne ka dollars kam aur kharrch karne ka zyada hai).

The arts and entertainment and the I.T. industries are doing wonders. The education sector is booming. Quotas and reservations are progressing at dizzying rates. I wont indulge in its statistics now. And we are progressing fast in science, medicine, nuclear science, corruption and red-tapeism, length of undertrial periods and breaking into media offices to fight against freedom of speech. Not to mention the state the infrastructure is in.

What a ride it’s been! (That’s what the previous generations say; I wasn’t around for 60 years). But for the last 20 odd years that I’ve been around, there’s no denying the change we’ve gone through. From red-mud roads to paved ones. And cycles that had a registration number, to cars that run on electricity. From leaders that were Oxford scholars to ones that are ‘Ox’ and ‘Ford’ scholars. I read the other day that we are the fourth (I believe) largest user of solar and wind energy in the industrial sector today.
Phew! What a heady mix! But that’s India for you. It’s a highly potent cocktail that everyone wants a swig of. Suddenly, Brand India is selling like hot cakes.

So, considering that we’ve been on our own for only 60 years after 500 years of holding onto other people’s fingers, I think we’ve learnt to walk pretty quickly. And from the way things are at the moment, looks like we’re dying to show everyone how fast we can run. I wish the government would build better roads though. All the faster to run with my dear.

So we wont enter our 60th year with bated breath. That’s because we aren’t afraid of change. We know exactly what we’re doing and exactly where we want to go.

So cheers to all the Indians out there! Happy Independence Day!! Jaya he!!!

Note: Statistics may not be accurate cos I didn't get the time to do substantial research. I was busy preparing myself to contribue to the economy!

I like the rains. Rains make me happy.

I like the fog that comes along with it. I like it when everything looks as if its freshly washed. I like wearing rain-jackets that can't keep your trousers dry. I like to drive my scooter with the helmet-viser open so the rain drops can hit my face. I like driving my cycle fast into puddles of muddy water. I like sitting on the hill with a friend when its drizzling. I like the smell of wet mud.

Lots of things make people happy. Shopping for new clothes makes my friend happy. Another one likes to go try out new clothes cause its free. My maa loves the free offers on products. Daddy loves to go to car showrooms so he can see how the paint finish of the car is.

My sister likes wearing 10-12 necklaces and chains to college. She says she's putting the 'Hippy' look back in fashion. Putting on airs and acting oversmart makes my cousin happy(irritates everyone else though).

My best friend likes to comb her hair in the side mirror of her scooter. That makes her happy.

My cat likes to sit on top of the fridge.

All kinds of things make people happy.

The wierdest, is stuff that makes you sad now, so you can be happy later.

My aunt, for example. She loves to sleep. And she hates going without sleep for weeks altogether, because there's a big deal coming up and there's lots of work to finish. But she works so hard anyway. Cause she feels very happy when the deal is over. She says the sleep she gets after 3 or 4 weeks of hard work is worth hundreds of nights of sound sleep.

Another friend of mine hates studying his CA subjects. He doesn't like staying up at night solving accounts sums that won't replicate in the exam. But he studies anyway, because the thought of being Chartered Accountant makes him very happy.

People like to stay unhappy in the present, so they can be happy in the future.

People also say that the future is uncertain. Which is true. I agree. You never know what might happen tomorrow. And the stuff we're saving for tomorrow, may not make us happy tomorrow.
Maybe, we won't be there tomorrow. Or maybe, tomorrow won't be there at all!

(I mean the way we're running this place, if the melting snow caps don't drown us first, the depleteing ozone will surely cook us)

But we sacrifice todays hapiness anyway.
Then how come we don't sacrifice a drive to the corner store, or stop bathing in the shower (and use the water bucket instead), or switch of the fan when we leave a room?

We know we'll be killed tomorrow if we continue like this. But if a drive to the shop at the corner makes you happy now, what the heck, eh?

So what the heck? We won't show a child a rainbow cause there's too much work. And work can't wait.
Well...
Neither can the rainbow.

And so I got paid...

A few years back, once, a friend of mine and I were standing on the parking ground of my college to get the scooter out and go home. We were chatting about something... I dont remember what. I think it was about the MBA course and how tough it is to get into a decent college and how its not fair that engineers get preference over commerce grads.

It was an animated conversation. I remember my friend being very annoyed and waving her hands about her in frustration.

"They have so much to study in 4 years their brains just get tuned to working harder than commerce grads. Its not fair!"

Although hard work and inherent brains can get you far anyway, I couldnt help but agree with her. I was feeling dumb and stupid. I thought it was unfair that engineers, who have almost nothing to do with the commercial side of business were muscling into the commerce stream and getting jobs in banks and marketing. That was supposed to be for the commerce people. But somehow, the world didnt see it that way. Nothing was making sense. So what were the commerce guys studying for 3 years? Why couldnt they make the commerce course more intensive? What was to become of non-CAs etc. if engineers got a one up at MBA?

I thought it would be best to stop thinking at all. I'd just have to work hard and hope for the best.

I began hunting for my scooter key in the depths of my bag. Oh and I needed Rs.2 to pay the parking guy... had to remember to pull that out too.


While my friend went on prattling, I miraculously found my key after a full 10-minute hunt. It was inside a notebook. I also fished my wallet out and extracted the last 2-rupee coin from it. My friend went on talking.

"They do so many sums, ya, in 4 years, obviously they'll be able to do sums better no!"

I was hearing her but my mind was on the stuff I was trying to hold all at once. A bag, a wallet, a cell phone, a key and a 2 rupee coin... I had to get everything back into the bag without dropping anything on the ground. The parking was a muddy ground with grass and trees. And since we were bang in the middle of the monsoons, the ground was mucky and uneven.

Besides, nothing could be achieved by crying over things you couldn't help.

My friend went on talking. Her hands waving all over, I was worried she'd hit all my things accidentally and make me drop them.

Suddenly, my nose wrinkled and my eyes narrowed. I saw my friend's thin hand swooping down on me at top speed! It came down, I ducked and she missed. But I didnt miss. I hit the scooter handle in my flurry and dropped everything anyway!

'Naseeb!!!' I said to myself and sighed.

"Oh my God!!" my friend cried. "God! you are so clumsy!"

I glared at her, but then I thought, 'Whats the point?'.

My bag had become wet with muddy water and the money in my wallet was drenched. I picked up everything slowly. I washed the scooter key with bottled water and stuck it in the ignition. Something was missing. Arre haan! 2 rupee coin.

I looked down. No coin.

"Chup yaar tu (Shutup)!" I told my yapping friend. "My 2 rupee coin fell. You have another one?"

"No re." she said. "Arre look for it na!"

'Like duh-uh!' I thought. "I can't find it. Help me look for it." I said aloud.

The both of us searched and searched, but no coin.

"Thats odd ya." she said. "You dropped everything here only."

I glared again. "Forget it." I said finally. "We'll tell him to collect it from us tomorrow."

"He'll let us go?"

"Dont know. No option. I have a 100 rupee note and he doesnt give change for 10!"

I took out my helmet from under the seat and replaced it with a wet bag and wallet. My friend started talking again.

While putting on the helmet, I saw a spider on my seat. It was a tiny thing and it was just frozen on the seat. My friend saw it too, and then she screamed.

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhh.... sheeeeeee.... SPIDEEEEEEER... do something!! Smash it! smash it!"

I looked at the poor thing still frozen on the seat. My friend kept yelling. "Smash it naaaaa!!"

I didnt want to smash it. It was too tiny. And looked too helpless to smash. Suddenly, I thought it looked just like the commerce grads... like me...

It was on the seat, all alone, obviously scared, too scared to make a move even. With my friend yelling 'Bloody Murder', it looked like the poor thing stood no chance of survival. Just like a commerce grad, when everyone feels he stands no chance to survive the MBA rat race with countless engineers competing, like a smashed spider, its best if he moves onto call centres and BPOs.

No! I was not going to smash the spider. It had a purpose in the larger picture of Nature. So I was not going to let it submit to what apparently powerful creatures thought was best for it.

I broke a leaf off a tree and scooped it up into it. The spider twitched its legs a bit but it was still frozen. I dropped it onto the leaf of a bush. It stood still for a moment, then scuttered away into the bush.

I walked back to the scooter and my friend started yelling again. "What a dumb person you are!! Why didn't you smash it? It was so disgusting!!"

I didn't pay attention to her. I just picked up my helmet and bowed my head down to put it on. And there, in the muddy water, under the hot afternoon sun, I saw a 2 rupee coin gleaming.

In Pursuit of Happiness

I saw the movie last evening. Will Smith has done an exceptional job of it. Although I didn’t sympathise with the character, Chris Garden, completely (I thought he could have avoided a lot of extra grief if he had just given a few decisions some rational thought), it was one film that set me thinking.

So yah, how did Jefferson know, that man spends his life pursuing happiness, but may never actually end up getting it, when he helped write the Declaration of Independence? Or did he know it? How, with much larger issues at hand, did he realise that he could not promise anyone, the right to happiness because happiness is relative?

Gardner is an example of a man who brought some of his problems upon himself through wrong decisions. How would a person feel, if he knew he is responsible for half of his own problems?

I’m serious… go watch You-Tube if you want a laugh…

There are some people who create problems in their minds. You know, like imagining that nobody likes them, that they are incapable of success, that they don’t have enough grey matter to get themselves by decently. I wonder if half the depressed people out there are depressed simply because they ‘think’ their lives suck. I knew a girl once, who thought she was ugly and stupid. She couldn’t continue for nuts if she’d made a mistake. She thought all of us hated her. She thought we kept thinking what an insect of a creature she was and that we kept talking about her.

So she never spoke to any of us. She lived in her own world of woes and self-pity. Her smiles were as rare as brain-cells in my skull (= Very very very very very… phew… rare).

Funniest thing was, that, she had a Superiority complex triggered by an underlying Inferiority complex! Hehe… she used to give me talks on weird things like ‘Independence of Self’ and ‘Superiority of Diction over Matter’ and ‘Empty vessels make most noise’… every time she said that last part I’d stop guffawing or cracking pathetic jokes and be sad (my colleagues would brighten up though).

I wish she knew that we never actually gave her too much thought. So, if she’d just been nice to us, we’d have been nice to her too. And the whole complex thing would never have come to be.

I’m another one of those prized idiots! I went prancing around office saying “gimme work, gimme work!”… and at one point in time, I just couldn’t take the work anymore… so I went out of work! Isn’t that a happy ending?

I wonder if I had probably handled things differently then, I could have had a 12 months work-ex in hand…

Self-created…

So now, when I fail at something, and I snap up with some fantastic, lame excuses to justify myself… I want to secretly kick myself (I tried it, I’m not so flexible). If I could do it once, what’s stopping me from doing it again? Me, I guess…

I was amazed at the way Gardner manages a turbulent married life, a brat of a kid, no home, no money and the knowledge that he has 1/20th of a chance of getting the job he’s working so hard for. The guy would’ve strolled into the IIMA with a red-carpet welcome.

You know, all you depressed people reading this, take some time off from your depression and go rent a VCD of ‘Life is Beautiful’.

Baaaas… I’m done being serious. I’m going to watch You-Tube now. So go home. Pop an anti-depressant in your mouth and look at yourself in the mirror.


P.S: My GOD! This blog of mine is worse than the previous one!!!